The Painful Art of Seduction Reader x Elliot March
by LoveAndShit
Summary: This is actually a continuation of a fan fiction from . Here is the writers original intro: Okay, this is a Alice in the Country of Hearts drabble-shot set (if your not familiar with it look it up, it's awesome!). In this world, you are there in the place of Alice, and this is what I assume would have happened if you had happened on Blood's manner before anywhere else.
1. Prologue

**Wassup, Funk Monkeys? Welcome to my first fan fiction! It's YouXElliot March! This is actually a continuation of a fan fiction from . Here is the writers original intro: **_Okay, this is a Alice in the Country of Hearts drabble-shot set (if your not familiar with it look it up, it's awesome!). In this world, you are there in the place of Alice, and this is what I assume would have happened if you had happened on Blood's mannor before anywhere else. _

_** I do not own Alice in the Country of Hearts, manga or movie. If I did, I would not be writing fan fictions about it! I also take no credit for chapter 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5. Let's begin, shall we?**_

**Prologue**

Heaving a sigh, you stared up despondently at the ceiling of the ornate room that you had been gifted with in Blood's manor.

Since your unfortunate tumble down the rabbit hole and into Wonderland, you had been living a fairly charmed life. After the first few terrifying moments of stumbling blindly around the thick forests of the land, you had been lucky enough to happen across Dee and Dum at the gates to the mafia territory.

Well... lucky in hindsight anyway. At the time you were pretty certain that the little monsters were going to chop you into itty bitty pieces. And possibly eat the leftovers (you really never could tell with those two...). Elliot arriving hadn't helped matters either, what with him deciding to use you for target practice and all. But then Blood had made his grand appearance and put a stop to the 'let's massacre the foreigner free for all' in his usual suave manner. After hearing your plight, the charismatic Mafioso had become quite insistent that you were to stay with them at the manor. Not something that you were about to argue with considering that a) he was the first sane person (or so it had seemed at the time. You now of course knew better...) you had met since the whole ordeal began b) sane or not, the man had a machine gun. Therefore pissing him off would be a very BAD idea given your track record in his mad place c) ... well lets put it this way would YOU be able to say no to Blood Dupre? Didn't think so. That man was sex incarnate.

And so perhaps somewhat surprisingly given your history is this strange, _strange_, land, it was not Blood that you found occupying your thoughts today.

No, that honour was reserved for a different male.

A certain carrot hating, bunny eared gun slinger to be exact.

"Stupid oblivious man," you grumbled to yourself.

You see the problem was simple. Over your time in wonderland, you had grown rather attached to one Elliot March. Very attached actually. And that was meant in the 'every time I see you I want to jump your bones' kind of way.

But the damn hare. Just. Would. Not . Notice.

Letting out another huff of irritated breath, you rolled on your stomach, pondering how the hell you could make your interest clear to him.

Preferably without horrendously embarrassing yourself in the bargain.

It was at that moment in time that your gaze landed on one of the discarded magazines that littered the plush carpet of your floor (you had managed to bribe the faceless maids into picking these up for you. Apparently even Wonderland females had the need to read mindless trash occasionally.)

It had fallen open haphazardly, displaying an advice column by someone called Lydia.

The title of this particular piece?

_**How to trick him into bed in 10 simple steps.**_

Eyes instantly lighting up, you scrambled to the floor and eagerly snatched up the glossy pages, rapidly scanning the column.

_Attention ladies!_

_Are you having bedroom trouble? _

_Is Mr Right to wrapped up in Mrs Wrong to see what's right in front of his eyes? Is the boy next door more interested in playing with his balls than you? Is that hot bishie that you know to self absorbed to pay attention to __your__ attention?_

_Well, fear no more! Aunty Lydia has the answer to all your bedroom woes! Just follow these simple ten steps and your man is guaranteed to come crawling!_

Grinning to yourself, you (barely) restrained the urge to do a little jig.

Elliot wouldn't know what hit him!

**Writers original end.**

_Hmm, I should probably apologize for turning you a character in this warped tale... but I just couldn't resist! Sorry for making you sound like a pervert!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Step one: Flash him a charming smile**

_Plant the first seeds of interest by leaving him dazed with a well timed, charming, seductive smile._

Right. That didn't sound too hard now did it?

Narrowing your eyes, you began to scan around you objectively as you tried to choose where best to position yourself and await your target.

Gaze landing on the nearby window that looked out over the sunlight courtyard, you allowed a triumphant smirk to darken your features.

Perfect .

Shoving his gun back into its holster, Elliot ran an irritated hand through his hair, flattening his long ears against his skull as he did so.

Today was not going well.

He'd had to put up with those stupid little brats Dee and Dum all morning, that damned Ace had gotten lost and turned up at the mansion gates _again_, and to top it all off, he was too hot.

Grumbling to himself under his breath about irritating brats and useless knights, Elliot began to trudge back towards his home.

He had not gone far when he was stopped by a voice calling his name.

"Hi Elliot!"

Long, velvety ears twitching in the direction of the sound, the march hare turned to glance over in the direction of Blood's tea-party area.

On realising that you had his full attention, you had to concentrate not to break out in a mad triumphant grin (you had been waiting here in this blistering heat for _hours_ for him to show up, goddamn it, you were not about to blow it now!). Instead you allowed the ultra-charming, seductive smile you had spent all of last night practicing in front of the mirror, to unfurl on your face.

Elliot blinked once. Twice. Three times. Each moment it took for him to drink in your appearance made your ego inflate all the more. This was perfect! Never in your wildest dreams had you thought that one little smile would be so effective! Lydia was a geniu...

"Ahahahahah!"

Abruptly yanked from your inner happy dance, you gaped in shock as the man before you bend double in laughter, tears of mirth streaming down his cheeks.

"How long have you been out here [name]? You look like a tomato!"

Eyes widening in dismay you snatched up one of the silver teaspoons to gaze desperately at your reflection.

Your vibrant red reflection.

A small whimper left your throat.

Oblivious to the crashing look of horror on your face, Elliot flashed you a wide grin before continuing in the direction of the mansion, still chuckling as he walked with a new spring in his step.

"I wouldn't say out here much longer if I were you!"

Slamming your head down onto the table in front of you you let out a defeated groan.

Well so much for charming and seductive.

**Step one: FAIL**

**Writers outro: **The_ moral of this story? The sun is your enemy. Yes it is. *nods*_


	3. Chapter 3

**Step two: Make every sentence an innuendo**

_Turn every sentence into an offer! Chances are you'll make him laugh and turn him on all at the same time._

Okay. This time you were not going to mess up! God knows you'd only just regained a normal(ish) color and thus been able to rejoin the public, so your plan was running behind schedule. You could not afford another failure...

But that's okay, because you'd spent your self-inflicted exile coming up with a plan.

One you were going to have a lot of fun implementing...

Sauntering into the dining room, you slipped into the chair between Elliot and Dee, both of who offered you a mumbled greeting from behind mouthfuls of what looked to be some kind of carroty cereal.

"[Name], how nice of you to join us at last. I was beginning to think you were planning on becoming a shut in," mused Blood from his position at the head of the table, one of his perfectly sculpted eyebrows lifting in a mocking gesture.

"Of course not. I wouldn't want to become boring now would I?" you cooed rhetorically before turning to grin suggestively at Elliot, "Actually I was rather hoping Elliot would be free to _take me_ somewhere... _interesting_?"

Eyes widening fractionally at the new sultry tone of your voice, the hare in question swallowed his most recent mouthful in a loud gulp as he lifted his gaze to meet your teasing one.

Lifting his hand to his mouth to hide his smile, Blood's eyes glinted with dark humor, clearly reading your intentions.

"Indeed? Well, I am sure that I can spare him for the day. We can't have you becoming boring now can we?" he murmured in an indulgent tone, "provided of course Elliot has no objections?"

Resisting the urge to smirk at the devious hatter, you instead sidled closer to your target, fluttering your eyelashes in his direction and letting your lips form a sensual pout.

"What do you say, Elliot?" you purred in the gunman's ear, causing the long, furry appendage to twitch nervously, "will you _take me_?"

A light dusting of pink began to creep across Elliot's face as he sat ramrod straight in his chair.

"Umm... I... ah..." he began as you leaned closer, obviously fighting to keep his eyes on your face.

"Please Elliot?" You allowed your breath to ghost his cheek as you leaned even closer into his personal space, one hand curling around the lapels of his long coat, while the other reached up to stroke a lock of his golden hair back off his darkening face. "Won't you just _give me what I want_?"

Blue eyes widened as the pink developed into a rather dashing shade of red (almost the same as your sunburn, now you thought about it...).

"Uh..."

Shaking that thought out of your head, you instead concentrated on the task at hand. Wrapping both your arms around the nearest of his (and wasn't it just delightfully well muscled?), you pressed your body up against his side. You had to bite back a grin of triumph as you watched him swallow reflexively as his arm was nestled firmly between your breasts.

"I really _need_ _you_ to do this, Elliot. I'm just getting so _desperate! _Don't _keep me waiting_ any longer, I'm _begging_ you! I'll do _anything_!"

**SPURT.**

Drawing back hastily, you watched in smug satisfaction as the march hare clapped a hand over his nose in a feeble attempt to stop the blood pouring from it.

"I, ah, have to go. Now," the poor man mumbled as he stumbled to his feet and promptly fled the room, leaving a small trail of red droplets in his wake.

Teeth showing in a delighted grin, you settled back in your chair and picked up your cup of tea.

"Well [name]," came Blood's amused chuckle, dragging your attention back towards where he sat in an elegant sprawl at the table head, "you _are_ proving to be quite entertaining now aren't you?"

Returning his smirk in kind, you offered the Mafioso a small seated bow.

"I _live to_ _please_~ "

**Step two: Success!**

_I thought Elliot needed a bit of torture for what happened in the last drabble ^^_


	4. Chapter 4

**Step three: Do the house chores in a sexy manner**

_Show him how desirable you are by making even the most inane tasks unbelievably sexy. Costumes and props are optional!_

A wicked smirk curled on your lips as you read the latest step in your plan of seduction.

Oh, this one was going to be fun!

Maybe this time you could make Elliot faint.

A sadistic giggle breaking out from your throat, you skipped off down the hall. You had some props to get after all.

Ear pressed up against the door to the elaborate living room that Blood and his subordinates frequented in the evenings (or at least the ones when they were not trying to kill someone via a haze of bullets/blades or having midnight tea parties for no apparent reason... never let it be said that Wonderland was a logical place...) you awaited the telltale sounds of booted feet stomping down the hall.

Eyes flashing with mischief you hurried into position.

Right on cue, the heavy wooden door was carelessly thrown open to admit a widely yawning bunny-eared gunslinger. One who promptly froze on seeing your position.

Resisting the urge to smirk, you arranged a sensual pout on your face, before turning your head to look over your shoulders at the intruder, not moving from your position 'cleaning' the table.

"[Name]!" choked Elliot, his blue eyes flickering down to where your lacy underwear peaked out of your too short skirt, before widening in shock and immediately snapping back to your face.

"Yes Elliot?" you asked innocently, batting your lashes for good measure.

"W-what are you _doing_?!"

Oh how adorable, his ears had flattened themselves against his head like a cat! You _really_ wanted to just reach out and stroke them...

No! Focus! Be sexy... ear molestation can come later!

"Why I'm cleaning of course!" You cooed as you finally righted yourself from your provocative pose, bent invitingly over the table (you were both disappointed and amused that Elliot hadn't just taken you up on that offer here and now...) and turned around to face the blushing bunny.

Unfortunately however, whatever embarrassment he had been feeling was suddenly forgotten as he took in your outfit and the duster clutched in your hand. Instead of a yummy blush all you got was a puzzled frown. Damn. Maybe you needed to try harder...

"Um... [Name]?" he asked absently, "_why_ are you cleaning? Blood has people to do that kind of thing..."

Hmm. He actually had a good point there...

"I'm trying to be useful..?" you tried.

The hare swept his gaze down your costume, his nose wrinkling in confusion.

"But why are you dressed like a maid?"

Smirking, you crossed your arms - a move that crushed your breasts together and made the swell of your cleavage strain to break free from the dress's bodice.

"Well I didn't want to get my clothes dirty, now did I?" you purred as you watched his eyes drop down to the over spillage of flesh. You pressed your arms together a little tighter. "Don't you think it suits me?"

Ah his blush was back ~ .

Ignoring the flush on his cheeks, Elliot eyed your outfit critically.

"Couldn't you get one that fits?"

Cue your faceplant.

_'You're totally missing the point, Elliot...'_

"Anyway," continued the oblivious male as he shrugged away his curiosity at your strange behaviour, "I was just looking for those brats - they're ditching their guard duty again – so I better get heading. Let me know if they turn up okay, [Name]?"

You watched in stunned disbelief as the object of your affections gave you a happy wave and stalked off to find children to beat, you and your scandalous outfit and provocative behaviour completely forgotten.

WHAT THE HELL?!

He was supposed to be here drooling all over you God damn it! Or better yet, shoving you down on that there table and having his wicked way with you! Hell, you'd even settle for him running away in a bloody mess like last time! But completely ignoring you in favour of Dee and Dum?!

Well... talk about a blow to your ego...

Pouting sulkily, you dropped your gaze down to your pilfered maid's outfit, reluctantly pulling the top up a little higher.

"There's no need to do that [Name]," chuckled a dark velvety voice from the doorway, causing your head to snap up and stare in horror. From his position idly leaning against the doorframe, the Hatter gave you a sinful smirk, "I think it fits perfectly."

Oh crap. How long had Blood been standing there?! And that look on his face was probably _not_ a good thing. Kinda like that evil glint in his eye...

"Err... thanks?" you said with a nervous grin as you mentally began to catalogue all the exits. Strangely enough, you weren't really feeling in the mood to sit and spend time with your sociopathic benefactor... perhaps it had something to do with the slutty maid costume you were wearing. Or perhaps it was that sadistic smile on his face. Hard to say really.

Blood lazily prowled into the room, making his way over to where a crystal decanter stood next to several whisky glasses, before uncorking the bottle and pouring himself a healthy measure.

"I confess," he continued without looking round as you tried to inch your way towards the newly vacated doorway "I'm glad to see you trying to earn your keep."

Swirling the amber liquid around in the glass, Blood turned to lock ruby eyes on you, his expression one of pure evil.

"I do so hate free-loaders, don't you [Name]?" he asked with a quirk of one of his perfect eyebrows.

"R-right..." you agreed weakly as you clutched your duster in front of you like a safety blanket.

"But don't let me keep you from your jobs. I believe that shelf over there needs dusting."

"Right away..." you mumbled as you trudged towards the indicated area, ignoring the aura of smug amusement that came from your audience.

He was so doing this on purpose, the bastard.

Make that psychotic bastard with a machine gun. Yes. Better to just do what he says...

Grumbling to yourself you set to work, leaving Blood to arrange himself in an artistic sprawl on one of the many elaborate couches that dotted the room.

As the Mafioso enjoyed the view that you were granting him as you struggled to reach the too high shelf, causing your dress to ride up delightfully, he sipped on his drink and took a moment to consider how good it was to be him.

Blood's lips curved into a self satisfied smile. He did have such wonderfully amusing toys after all.

**STEP 3: FAIL (at least with Elliot...)**

_Just a quick explanation here - there isnt going to be any BloodxReader in this booklet, but given his nature I just can't see the guy passing up any oppertunity to torture [Name]. The man is sin, pure and simple after all!_

_Incidentally_ _the reason that this is an Elliot drabble series and not a Blood (besides the fact that Elliot is awesome in his own right) is because the man has no self restraint. Could you imagine it? Step two: make everything an innuendo: [Name]: 'Blood, I'm getting so desperate! Wont you just take me somewhere interesting?' Blood: 'Why, how could a man say no to such a request? Come here [Name], I know just what to do with you to ease that boredom of yours.' -insert loud moans and a scene of graphic table sex. Also one traumatised bunny-man and two curious childeren - End of booklet. T.T_


	5. Chapter 5

**Step four: Wear his shirts**

_Show him how good you look in his clothing by prancing about in his shirts. For best results wear only underwear underneath. For even better results wear nothing underneath._

Nibbling thoughtfully on the top of your pencil, you considered the step before you through narrowed eyes, an open book jotted full of half baked plans lying open in front of you. So far you had the outlines of your evil plot, but what you lacked was a time and a place to make your move. Elliot wasn't exactly in the habit of waltzing in to your room after all.

Hmm...

It was at this point your musings were disturbed by a polite chap at the door. Slightly startled by the unwelcome noise, you quickly snapped your notebook closed and slid from your place on the bed. Making your way across the room you swung the door open and found yourself face to face (metaphorically speaking that is...) with one of the Manor maids.

"Excuse me for intruding Miss [Name]," the girl said with a small curtsy, "but Master Blood has asked that I inform you of the tea-party scheduled for tonight at midnight."

Slowly a sinful grin unfurled on your face.

"Sounds wonderful," you cooed.

With a blissful sigh, Elliot began ladling his plate full of the carroty dishes, his steaming cup of tea forgotten.

Carrot muffins, carrot mousse, carrot cake, carrot pudding! What more could a man ask for!

Picking up his spoon, the gunslinger's eyebrows drew down into a serious frown. Now came the hard part... what to taste first?!

As it was his internal debate about the merits of carrot cake versus the carrot mousse was cut short by the happy yells of Dee and Dum as the final member of the party made her appearance.

"[Name]-nee-chan!" crowed Dee leaping up to latch onto one of your arms as his brother captured the second.

"You came!" grinned Dum.

"Of course I came," you chuckled good naturedly as you allowed the twins to drag you to a seat nestled between their own. Fortunately for your plans it also happened to be directly opposite a certain rabbit-eared male...

"But Nee-chan, what are _wearing_?"

"Did [Name]-nee come straight from bed?"

It was those last two sentences that finally snagged enough of Elliot's attention to drag him away from his fierce internal debate. Lifting his sky blue eyes from his plate, the gunman allowed his gaze to settle on you...

...And promptly began to choke as he registered exactly what it was you were wearing. (And exactly what it was you were not.)...

"Ahahah!" you giggled in feigned embarrassment, rubbing the back of your neck for effect, "Yes actually. I'm afraid that I'm still used to sleeping at night... I meant only to lie down for a nap before coming to meet you all, but I guess I overslept. I hope no-one minds me coming in my bedclothes..." you flickered your eyes innocently to Blood to see how he was taking your brazenness.

From his familiar seat at the head of the table, the Hatter offered you an amused smirk.

"Of course not [Name], as long as you are here," he agreed magnanimously as he settled back into his chair and began to sip his tea, content to await whatever amusement you had planned.

"[N-name]!" squawked out Elliot, finding his voice at last, "is that my shirt?!"

You gave yourself an inner high five as you watched his eyes flicker over your person, gliding over your bare, shapely legs to where the white hem rode up teasingly high on your thigh, before sweeping up to linger on the swell of your breasts, the cold night making it clear that you weren't wearing a bra under the thin fabric. Subconsciously licking his lips, Elliot seemed to be caught up in his own thoughts (fantasies..?), despite his question.

"Huh?" you answered, glancing down at your attire, as though to check what he was talking about. "Oh this. Yes, I borrowed it from your room, I hope you don't mind. It's just I spilled tea all over my nightgown yesterday evening and I needed something to sleep in while it was in the wash."

Shifting in your seat, you leaned forward, allowing the too large shirt to slide off your shoulder, showing an expanse of skin as you wrinkled your brow in a delicate frown.

"You _don't_ mind, do you?"

Elliot made a kind of strangled noise in response.

Pouting you lip, you heaved a soft sigh as you rocked back in your seat.

"You _do_ mind!" you lamented with a rueful shake of your head, "oh Elliot, I _am _sorry! It was so rude of me to just assume! I should have asked first! Here, take it back."

As you spoke you began to undo the shirt buttons, making good on your offer to return it straight away.

Eyes widening to comic proportions, Elliot's face flamed a beautiful shade of red as the sight of your cleavage became more and more visible as the fabric barrier was peeled away.

"Ah! No!" he yelped, waving his hands wildly in a stop gesture.

Pausing in your activities, you looked up at the flustered male in innocent (pfff!) confusion.

"Is something wrong, Elliot?" Cue flutter of eyelashes.

"Err..." he began with a nervous swallow as he desperately tried to lift his gaze to your face, "I mean... no, umm, I don't mind at all."

You let your expression brighten.

"Really?" you asked in a delighted sing-song tone.

"Uh... sure," the rabbit-man agreed, nodding fervently, "but I should go. I have something that I forgot to do..."

Shoving his chair back as he spoke, the gunslinger carefully pulled his long coat closed around him so that it covered his crotch before quickly standing up and fleeing back to the mansion. You allowed a sadistic smile to quirk on your lips as you noted his unusual gait.

"How come you only have one nightshirt [Name]-nee?" asked a frowning Dum.

"Is Blood really too mean to buy you another?" inquired his brother as the two of them shot the smirking Hatter evil looks.

"Oh, no. Blood has been good enough to get me few different nightdresses, but unfortunately they are all in the wash."

"How very coincidental," drawled the Mafioso with a quirked eyebrow.

"Isn't it though," you agreed with a benign smile. "Pass the sugar, please."

Laughing softly, the Hatter complied with your request.

Lifting the china cup to your lips you took a victorious sip of the hot beverage.

Perhaps you weren't as close to your goal as you had initially hoped, but it was nice to see yourself back on track.

You couldn't wait for step 5!

**Step four: Success!**

_Yes I am aware that I write Dee and Dum as children, and that Dee/Dum fans will hate me for it, but to me these two have always come across as kids. In all honesty I find it a little creepy that people find them smexy... but I suppose each to their own. Just don't expect me to write them that way. In my fics the are always going to be treated as children._

_And things are finally working out for [Name]! Maybe she'll have a chance at succeeding in her nefarious plot after all!_


End file.
